This story was published Friday Sept. 25 in the first issue of the Lance. To read the full issue, click here.

Out of the original shipment of 150 books, senior Andrew O’Donnell keeps six in their room.

The books came in a cardboard box with a white label proclaiming, “Andrew O’Donnell, author.” O’Donnell peeled this off and hung it on their bulletin.

The copy that they use for poetry readings sits on their bedside table, written in and highlighted over. Long hours have been spent there, reading and rereading the pages. Five other copies of the book sit in their original box on their bookshelf, next to other works from O’Donnell’s favorite poets.

Originally, these books were meant for each of O’Donnell’s family members. However, none of them would be delivered.

O’Donnell doesn’t talk to their family anymore.

“My mother [reacted negatively],” O’Donnell said. “My sister doesn’t talk to me. I moved out of my father’s house…I had been the first person to put our family’s story out there, and [because of it,] I slowly faded out of the picture.”

The 18-year-old recently published a book of poetry through Amazon titled, “Nicoteane and Other Foolish Mistakes.” The book represents the emotions of the past five years of O’Donnell’s life, delving into topics like divorce, abuse and a struggling childhood. The title, spelled “Nicoteane,” represents one of their greatest loves (tea) and one of their greatest mistakes (nicotine).

“[It’s] not a lighthearted book,” O’Donnell said. “It delves into a lot of triggering things. Anxiety, eating disorders. It was really hard [to write].”

The first time that O’Donnell thought publishing was possible was in their sophomore year at Creighton Prep, when a poet visited their creative writing class and gave them a copy of his latest book. This was at a time when O’Donnell was struggling with multiple influences in their life, and poetry became their outlet. They decided to use the same format as the poet to publish their work.

“It encompasses my journey through my family and my adolescence,” O’Donnell said. “[It’s] five years of Andrew O’Donnell in your face, like it or leave it.”

O’Donnell, like other published authors, knew from the beginning to expect some negative reviews. No piece of work existed that had no critics. However, O’Donnell did not imagine that the book would create enough tension to cause them to move out of their home. O’Donnell was suddenly alone, in a different house, displaced.

“The Andrew inside of that book was something I carried with me for a long time, and it was very healing [to share],” O’Donnell said. “…And to have my family not supportive of that, it hurt…But I can work on the mental struggles I have with treatment, outside of my family.”

But being separated became a reason to funnel all of their energy into their writing. O’Donnell found extra time to write, and frequently wrote two to three poems a day. The book became a symbol of power and a source of strength. Seeing it there on their bedside table reminded them of the success that they had accomplished. It calmed them.

“Whenever I, in the last few weeks…[started] getting worried about college or [just] whenever I am worried about anything, I go in my room and read my books, to remind myself of what I have overcome,” O’Donnell said. “To remind myself of my triumphs.

So far, O’Donnell has sold 450 copies of their book, and the number is climbing. O’Donnell is always surprised when they get an email recording another sale or a message is sent to their author Facebook page. They believe this is a sign of good things to come.

“I had ordered 150 copies [for the release party, expecting that would be the only amount I would ever need,” O’Donnell said. “[But] a lot of people have been going and [getting copies], and ordering them by mail…That feels so cool.”

O’Donnell can point to the person in Germany who bought their book on Amazon, or the one from Scotland to show their growing success, but the five copies still remain in their original box, ungifted and faintly reminiscent of the people he left behind. O’Donnell had planned to give each family member a book personally, but the family had gotten ahold of the manuscript prior, and there was tension.

“I had exposed some things that had happened to [us] that perhaps they weren’t ready to share with the whole world,” O’Donnell said. “But for my personal heart and soul, as I’m healing and growing and getting older, this is something I needed to do. I can’t control how they react.”

The reserved copies would not be going anywhere soon, but O’Donnell has plans for them. The greatest reward in publishing a book for O’Donnell is in the way it can affect others.

“I’m all about the whole symbolic meaning behind actions that I take so I think specific copies that I save will be given away to people,” O’Donnell said. “But, it’s kind of become like a nice business card for my soul…Those five books that I keep, I give away to people that are struggling.”

“Nicoteane Dreams and Other Foolish Mistakes” can be purchased at the Bookworm, Caffeine Dreams and on O’Donnell’s Amazon platform.

“[The book] seems desolate and dark,” O’Donnell said. “80 percent [of the poems] are pretty sad. I hope the sadness in my book can cultivate a strength in someone [in a hard time]. I hope it becomes a poem that they can read and find healing with.”