“Whipped” is making a resurgence in the lexicon of modern slang — and it needs to go away.

For those who don’t know, calling someone (nearly always male) “whipped” is essentially calling him subservient to his girlfriend. It is essentially shorthand for “whipping boy,” and frequently used as a friendly jab or insult. I’m not going to come out and say that the term itself is sexist. However, it is almost always used in a way that promotes sexist stereotypes — for both women and men.

First, the term is inherently gendered. A woman cannot be whipped; at least, it is extremely unlikely in popular usage. Instead, it uses a common stereotype: the nagging housewife, the bride dragging her hapless groom to the altar by his foot, the controlling girlfriend.

Second, there’s no definitive measuring stick to see whether someone is whipped. Some use legitimately concerning signs, such as a girlfriend who calls her boyfriend five times an hour. Sadly, though, many (if not most) examples I have encountered are not about legitimately controlling partners, and instead enforce a sexist idea of masculinity. For example, one website article I read claimed that a man is whipped if he apologizes to his girlfriend about acting too aggressively or not clearly communicating his (shudder) emotions. “It’s like men shouldn’t be men anymore!” it says, as if basic communication skills are impossible for the average male to grasp, and emotions are like particle physics. This is, quite frankly, insulting.

Generally it follows that people should do nice things for each other, and that couples should be aware of each other’s needs. It is not a leap of logic to assume that boyfriends should do nice things for their girlfriends and vice versa. Apparently, not so. The ultimate sign of being whipped, according to one of the most popular articles on the subject, is:

“If he volunteers of his own free will to buy [her] feminine products … then I have to say that [her] man is unequivocally and irredeemably whipped.”

If it’s serious, it’s just plain wrong, and if it’s satire, it’s not particularly funny or insightful. Sanitary products are essentials, basically equivalent to tissues, toilet paper, et cetera. Picking up tissues for a girlfriend who has a cold? Fine. But feminine products have cooties! It’s ridiculous. Women aren’t shamed for picking up shaving cream or men’s deodorant on a trip to the drugstore, yet men can’t pick up pads or tampons because any association with femininity is inherently inferior and embarrassing. And heaven forbid he show un-manly weakness by actually doing something nice for his girlfriend — this is usually a trait of being whipped.

But aren’t some girlfriends actually controlling, you might ask? In such a situation, would it not be appropriate to point out that someone is whipped?

Unfortunately, this does happen. If a man really feels like his girlfriend controls every aspect of his life, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. It’s always bad to become cut off from all of one’s friends in favor of a significant other — that’s a telltale sign of a dysfunctional couple. In popular usage, however, the phrase is not shorthand for signaling a buddy that his relationship may be unhealthy. Instead, it’s a derisive term and/or friendly rib. Because when a buddy is in an unhealthy relationship where he has no power or voice, the best thing to do is to humiliate him and question his masculinity! (This is sarcasm.)

It’s also a serious issue. Too frequently, male abuse victims are not taken seriously by society. Instead, they are told to “man up” or “grow a spine.” They are asked how a woman could possibly overpower a man.

“Whipped” is complicated. Among male friends (according to those I have asked), it can be a way of addressing the “girlfriend” subject under a shroud of humor. On the other hand, it implies that if a woman is assertive in any way, it’s inherently bad. A healthy relationship should be about give and take, with communication and concessions on both sides. Generally, the term “whipped” subscribes to the same toxic masculinity myth as the concept of “beta males,” “real men,” and countless others. Mostly used as a joke, the term has overstayed its welcome and I’ll be rejoicing on the day it joins “swag” in the inferno below. Sadly, however, the gender stereotypes that color its meaning will remain long after it becomes a relic of the 2010s.