REVIEW: Hitman’s Bodyguard

When it was announced that the box office had the worst week in 15 years, I’m wasn’t sure what I was expecting from the number one charter of that week. However, this was probably it.

I’m sad, I really am. I had quite a lot of hope for The Hitman’s Bodyguard ever since the casting was announced. This was only boosted when a popular video of a speeding car smacking a Mini Cooper into a canal and narrowly missing a speedboat was revealed to just be a civilian recording of one of it’s stunt shoots. The stars seemed perfectly aligned for this movie to be a smash summer comedy blockbuster. So what happened? What’s wrong with it?

Firstly, the film suffers from a terrible case of personality conflict, flipping back and forth between genres on a dime. In it’s marketing, the film billed itself as more of a pure comedy like Talladega Nights or Zoolander with action-thriller elements mixed it. Everything from the way the trailers were cut to the direct parody posters referencing the 90’s romantic drama The Bodyguard seemed to only further suggest this. However, the actual film is more of a sometimes-dark shoot-em-up action film with comedy on the side, which would have been fine if the movie had billed itself like that from the beginning instead of it’s deceiving actual campaign. However, the comedy that is present is more invoking of something like Anchorman as opposed to the dark comedy in Deadpool. This is an issue because in Deadpool, the dark humor gelled well with the darker revenge hunt main plot of the story, but here the wackier bombastic comedy clashes with the movie’s very odd, very dark main setup.

Within the first 10 minutes, we watch the dictator of Belarus lead a raid on another man’s house, ransack it, and then shoot his family in front of him in an act of ethnic cleansing. All of this is completely played straight. It doesn’t improve the situation that we cut directly after that scene to the trial of said dictator, Vladislav Dukhovich, which lets us know he is being tried for ethnic cleansing counts all cross his country, set to footage of angry protesters outside the International Court of Justice carrying signs calling for his arrest. A few scenes later, Salma Hayek calls her husband an idiot in multiple languages, calls a phone the same, and slams said phone onto it’s own receiver several times before we cut to a fart joke. Then we watch Dukhovich jam an ink pen directly through a man’s hand after he gets angry at his request for money for betraying Interpol. I think you can see where the problem lies. It would be one thing if either of the two genres within were particularly good, but they’re not. Because neither one is really focused on or polished, we end up with an equally “meh” mix of 2 passable films: one a flashy but forgettable action film and one a weak disjointed comedy.

I really hope Samuel L. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds took some Advil and got to a good chiropractor because they’re gonna need it from the back pain of carrying this whole movie. Other supporting actors are trying, but it’s really only Reynolds’ and Jackson’s strong acting chemistry and sharp comedic timing that allow them to get past the barrier of the predictable script. Reynolds is a disgraced bodyguard looking to restore his honor, and Jackson is a ruthless hitman who’s only motivation is to get his innocent wife pardoned from prison. Both play well off each other throughout the majority of the film, although Jackson playing his usual character leads some of his dialogue to become rather stale by the 40 minute mark. Not that Jackson isn’t a fun character actor, it’s just that too much of the same can sometimes leave you numb to it.

In short, The Hitman’s Bodyguard seems pretty usual of the late-summer films looking to catch the last ripple of the box office tide before fall comes. That is to say, passable, but with some enjoyable moments in between. However, there’s no shaking the misleading ads and cliche plotlines no matter how many lines might make you chuckle. As such, my personal recommendation is that if you’re really interested in seeing it, wait until it comes to a budget theater, or even better, wait till it’s a rental.